If You Really Loved Me 

While the search for love is universal and often thought to be synonymous with happiness, there seems something within the human psych that refuses to feel worthy of either. Somehow, no matter how well life treats lovers, they invariably manage to spoil it all by saying something stupid best unsaid.

It’s really like those horror stories were the heroine, in the middle of the night, in a haunted castle, in the middle of nowhere, decides she must investigate the noise downstairs. The audience screams their warning. Stay put! Hide under the bed! Lock the door! Do anything, but don’t go downstairs.

All to no avail. In her almost transparent nightie, with a flickering candle in her hand, against all common sense, she descends the stairs to the dungeon and danger below.

So also in love. Somehow the beloved must always push just far enough to lose her love. And now that I think of it, it is inevitably the female who doesn’t know when to leave well enough alone.

In Wagner’s Lohengrin, Elsa is championed by a knight who after successfully defending her good name, asks for her hand in marriage. She is delighted to accept. And if you ever wanted to know where that popular wedding march comes from, it comes from this opera when the marriage between the unknown knight and Elsa takes place.

But there are conditions. If Elsa and the knight are to be happy in marriage, she must trust him completely. Love him unconditionally. Accept him as she finds him right now – without questions as to his past. She must never ask him what his name is, where he comes from or, in short, for any of his personal details.

Interestingly enough, many couples make those same promises on their wedding day. I will love you unconditionally. I will let you be exactly what you are. I will not expect you to change simply because you are my legal partner.

But from the frequent breakdown of marriage, it’s obvious that vows are simpler to express than to keep. And like Elsa, lovers find that what their partner is prepared to give, is never enough. In the end they lose what they have, in an effort to get more than they need.

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