A Kingdom for a Horse

Caligula, like most Roman emperors, was ever at war with his senators. Inevitably they accused him of not doing the right thing by his subjects, being too extravagant in his own personal life style, and thought his morals or lack thereof, stank. He had an idea that if one of these days, someone slipped him some of those special mushrooms, they’d do their best to get along without him, thank you very much.

One day, when they were being more trying than usual, he screamed at them in exasperation. ‘You senators really take the cake. My horse has more horse sense than the whole bunch of you put together. In fact, if I were to appoint him to the senate, I guarantee the standard of debate would rise by 120%’.

Domesticated animals, though they are disappearing from our lives owing to the fact that city councils seem to feel that their business is to squeeze as many people as possible into the smallest area possible, have much to recommend them. Nowhere else do you get such an unconditional love than from a dog. No matter how often you make a fool of yourself, his regard for you won’t change. Nor is he likely to to come up with something like, 'I told you so' that people are so fond of doing.

According to gossip and slander, Caligula was so fond of his horse that he treated him better than many of his courtiers. He is supposed to have been housed in a stable made of marble, waited upon hand and foot by eighteen servants, and from time to time, issued invitations to the important people of Rome to dine with him in the privacy and elegance of his stable.

It is it not to be wondered at that couples getting married do sometimes toy with the idea of including their pets in their wedding ceremony. Equestrian brides can’t resist showing off their favourite horse by coming down the aisle riding side saddle and looking like something out of a Tennyson’s poem. And both bride and groom have been known to bring along their pretty little dogs, with gold or silver collars, to act as bridesmaids and ring bearers.

By and large, four-legged attendants are found to be more dependable than human members of the wedding party. They don’t embarrass themselves, and everyone else, by those inappropriate stories of groom’s follies, for one. And, for another, they’ve never been known to have the groom's car towed away for being parked in a non-parking zone. As one bride was heard to say, ‘I decided to make my pet poodle the carrier of the ring, as soon as I found out who the best man was’. There were no misplaced rings on that day.

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