Wedding Day is not a Day for a Rehearsal

Speaking of speaking, we all know that practice makes perfect. As we hear this or that speaker stand in front of the hot lights of television, we wonder in admiration at both the eloquence and the proficiency of the performance. Is this person one of the lucky ones, born to impress?

If we take the example of Winston Churchill, to be anything you set your heart on, you need to be singularly selfish. Ask Mr. Churchill’s wife. For years, as she sat in the front seat of this or that inaugural happening, listening to her husband’s inspired speeches, you could see her lips move to his every word. She knew his speech as well as he knew it – better even. She had listened to it so many times it was all but etched on her brain.

Mr. Churchill was a great believer in practicing his art. As Mrs. Churchill pulled the casserole out of the oven, her back was pelted with his latest speech. As she walked out of the kitchen to set the table in the dining room, she could hear him spouting out without a break. Even when she tried to escape to her bedroom, there he was climbing the stairs right behind talking, talking, talking.

One day it all became too much for her. She entered the little girl’s room and slammed the door on his eloquence, hoping he might take the him. But as he continued to regale her at the top of his voice, she screamed back at him, ‘Winston, if you don’t leave me this minute I won’t be responsible for my actions!’

‘But I have to practice,’ he wailed piteously. ‘These Bolshies will be the ruin of us all unless I can persuade the stupid house to have some sense.’

‘Tell someone who cares,’ she bellowed back, and was rewarded with silence.

Winnie was not a thin-skinned man. He’d had plenty of knocks in his lifetime. From grade 1 on, everyone concluded that this was neither a mathemetician nor a scientist, and politics was the only field he was likely to shine in.

And, indeed, as a stateman he found his niche. Day after day he’d jump to his feet with a point of order here and a point of order there, never seeming to tire of making himself heard.

Though not encouraged, each day he’d practice his craft. Now that his wife's body was no longer on loan as a prospective audience, he took to the bathroom. Submerged in the warm water, cigar in one hand, a glass of something in the other, he declaimed to his heart’s content for hours on end. In the long run he found the bathroom more soothing than his wife’s sometimes critical, often downright bored expression.

And so young man, or young woman, if you have been honoured to make that all-important speech at your cousin’s wedding, don’t use the wedding day as your rehearsal night. Be prepared to bore all your friends for months before the wedding day. It will make all the difference in the world.

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